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End of a Marriage

Hello I guess you all have been wondering where I went and why I have not been active on my blog. Well this is probably going to be my last post due to M William H and I, T Lea C are no longer pursuing Surrogacy.

First I would like to say that Kiran Medical Group was amazing.  Very supportive and understanding. We were not lucky on our second attempt and were in the process on our third attempt... until our life changed.

My husband was having an affair and told me on the 19 of May that his Mistress was pregnant and he longer wanted to be with me. He was going to be a father to her children and will finally get his family that he wanted.

Naturally I was upset, shocked and felt very betrayed. I must say also scared as well due to I am left here in Switzerland without family near by.

We finished that day with him punching me in the face and cracking my jaw...telling me I was nothing but a baron women and how much he hated me.

We started our family dream in India in December, all the while, Matthew was hedging his bets to serve himself of his own goals, regardless of who he hurt. I do feel some what happy to know now, than if we had be successful an innocent child would of had to live in such a deceitful home.

I wish everyone good luck in obtaining their dreams of a family.

Here we go again

Here we go again! Just got word from Anjani that we have just completed another transfer! He said we should have our first test around May 2.

Anjani asked me if I wanted one or two surrogates this time around. My first thought was why not go for 10! Lets get the odds on our side. Of course I did not mention that to Anjani, I do not want to come across as crazy. We stuck with our original choice of one surrogate, so let's hope and keep fingers and toes crossed.

However....

I feel totally different this time around. I am actually not in a mood to count, think or wait. In fact I have been quiet low key for the last couple of weeks. I think there are a number of reasons why I feel this way.

1. Its been four months since we were last in India, and now it seem so far away and out of sight. I have this very disconnected feeling. I assume this is because my role in the whole matter is limited to just waiting. There is nothing physical to do or connect with I guess. I am so on the sidelines cheering for a positive outcome.
2. William took our last failed attempted very hard. He sort of keep it inside, but it did seep out in other ways. I guess considering we have been trying for over 7 years, it will get you down. I also think its different for him that it is for me. I have been lucky to have this blog and I have been able to express myself with like minded people. William however has be kinda quiet about it. He's told a few people but he really likes to keep it in the back of his thoughts. In fact, it was just last week when it all came out... all he can think about is the 7 years of tests and sampling that he has had to endure with no results. In fact he is getting wary of the whole process. He sort of rolled up the last 7 years of angst in our last failed attempt.

But I am going to put a smile on my face, and wait to see what happens!

Getting closer

Got an email from Anjani, and he gave us the news that we are right on track for the next try. It should happen in about a week or two. I am totally looking forward to that and hoping we are lucky this time round!

In the meantime I have been zooming around the Internet looking for interesting articles about Surrogacy.

http://www.empowher.com/reproductive-system/content/rent-womb

I thought this was a good story and I felt it related to me.

http://gaynewsnetwork.com.au/news/news-2/5791-mellbourne-to-host-surrogacy-conference.html

This is great for anyone in Australia. I think all countries should have a conference like this. It would be great to get all the information you need in one place.

http://www.peoplemanagement.co.uk/pm/articles/2012/03/mother-in-surrogacy-case-takes-claim-to-ecj.htm

I thought this was very interesting. William is getting maternity leave if we are successful, so I do not understand why a women would not.

What are your thoughts on these articles?

Hopefully I will have more to say, when we get closer to our time line!

As the Days go By...

Twiddling my thumbs and wishing away April, so that we can get back on track of trying again. I really hate wishing my life away, but I am overly excited to start again. Considering I am all about count downs, I just figured that if we are successful this time, our baby will not be born until 2013.  So no babies for this year…

My biggest wish is to hopefully become a mum before my next birthday, which is at the end of January!

This is just a short blog to touch base and to thank everyone who left me comments with warm wishes and support.  It really made a difference in my life…So Thank You.

First Act, Scence 1...BFN

I am sure you have guessed that it was going to be a no...Due to if it was a yes, I would of posted sooner and been jumping around with joy. I found out on Thursday that the test came back negative. It kind of stopped my day and I kind of wandered around saying I can't believe we fell on the first hurdle! So I guess my glass does have a crack in it!

The timing was awful, due to William was on a business trip, so I had to wait before I could tell him.  He called Friday, and asked, and I told him. He too was really bummed about it as well, of course.

 I also really thought I would of posted a blog on Friday as well, share the news...I totally did not feel like it, in fact I wanted to avoid the whole thing. There is a part of me that gets really tired of explaining the whole thing and what happens next. It's the question of Why? That drives me crazy. William asked me why? My mum asked me why?
Why, does "why" drive me crazy? Probably because it is the first question that pops in your head, you start questioning everything. Do I have the right clinic?, the right donor?, the right surrogate? Sould I have gone for two surrogates? All these things float around your brain, while you try  to move on to other things. Hope again that next time it will work. Stuff like that

I must admit, Anjani was sweet, and showered me in math to make me feel better. It must be hard to be the bearer of lousy news. So now we are preparing for the next try. We have another 30-40 days to get to the point to wait for another two weeks! Yikes, it's enough to drive you crazy. But we are ready for it

Paris and waiting Still!

Just got back from Paris after watching the Rugby game of England vs. France. Happy to say England won! It was great being away and not thinking about time lines, babies, clinics, and everything else that clogs the brain.

I stayed away from the inter-webs, and my email account so that I would not obsessive while in Paris. Which I must say was great to do. It was also nice to re-connect with William and be a normal couple tooling around Paris.

However... I'm back! I was totally hoping I would have had an email in the old account telling me some news, but all I got was amazon trying to sell me stuff instead.

Now is this good news? Bad news? How does one take no news? I am actually going to take  "no news" as good news...Which is a new spin for me, due to I am totally the person who likes to think the glass is half full and my glass also happens to have a crack in it... Okay, I am not that much of a cynic, but its always a good way to try to keep my hopes and fears in check.

Now your probably asking why don't you just email or call Anjani? Well I could and probably should but for some strange reason I want to wait. I want to get that email first. I also told myself that I could wait, and wait, and wait...well, until about Saturday. Then I will make contact. Because by then I know I will feel that it is now bad news and I will need confirmation.

Wishing us all warm luck and good news!

While we wait... Let's Freak Out

Well we have a week left to find out if our surrogate will be successful and pregnant. It is the first bench mark of many and we are really nervous about everything.

So what does one do when your waiting for the news?... Well if your like us, you have a good old fashion argument. It's a real time killer and can make your emotions go all over the place. It just makes the weekend fly by.

We're all fine now, and the argument was stupid and pointless however it came from fears that are lurking in our brains. We figured out that we are:

1. Scared that we will be disappointed ...AGAIN
2. Scared that we will be successful and off to our next bench mark
3. Scared that we could become parents
4. Scared of all the responsibility that babies entail
5. Scared that it is different than having children the old fashioned way?
6. William was worried that we would be too old. (I did not agree, due to my gran had my mum when she was 45)

How's that for a mind think!

I think you can get so wrapped up on the process and if you are a little like me; your emotions are slow to follow. I have to say if it wasn’t for this blog, to help express how I feel, I would probably be bonkers by now. In fact William is getting out his notebook and is going to share as well on this blog very soon.

We decided last night that we know we are in good hands and we must let nature take its course. We also know that we are very lucky to have this choice in our lives, it is an incredible opportunity to achieve such a dream. We understand that this is not the end and we can handle the future.

I know we will be good parents; we really want this child and want to provide it the best life possible. I am also going to buy every book on Amazon about babies and make sure my mum is there on that happy day in the future, to cover all bases.

Also I think I am at the best age ever to raise a baby!

12 Real Long Days to go...

The results are in and I am happy to say we have 19 happy eggs! From there we got  14 embryos which is fantastic and amazing! Anjani gave us the low down in regards to the quality of the embryos.

We got six grade A's, four B's, three C's and a D. It reads like a report card. Not my report card however, I was more a C+- B student with the occasional A. However I think really good. William and I are both pleased and got really excited all over again.

I can't believe we are at the first hurdle, it has made my mind freeze and race all at once! All I can think is wow and here we go! knowing I will probably have the longest 12 days in history to wait to see if the embryos stuck!

I remember when William and I waited during that time when we did IVF, the wait after implantation drove us mad. In fact we use to cheat and buy "clear blue easy" sticks to see if we could beat nature and find something out sooner. We bought those pregnancy sticks in bulk and used them twice a day until we finally had to go to the clinic to find out for sure.

...Of course it all ended up as BFN's (that's Big Fat No in IVF speak)

So hear I am today waiting and hoping for the best for our surrogate and our little embryos. It feels strange being so far away and knowing this is happening. However for me, I think it's a good thing I am far away, due to I would probably just stare at my surrogate all day long if I could. I would also probably try to make her pee on a stick. It's take control freak in me, raising its crazy head.

I know I am in good hands and I just need to wait the next 12 days.  I think I am going to try and refocus and re-energize and I don't know clean out my basement for the next 12 days. Just to keep my mind on anything but the calender!

A happy surrogacy email beginning

There is nothing better than getting an email with some great news, and that was exactly what happened Saturday morning. Anjani from Kiran Infertility Centre just told us that the HCG injection was going to be given today!  I am so anxious to know how many eggs will be retrieved and the condition. What a wonderful woman who is donating her eggs to us. You just want to hug her, hold her hand and thank her all at once. William was very excited and remembered when I had my HCG injection and how nervous we were when it happened. 

We were also told that egg retrieval will be on Monday! That’s today!  He is also going to let us know the number and quality of embryos. So, if all goes well, by the end of the week we will have our embryo transferred to our surrogate.

All I have been doing for the last 48 hours is just thinking about it… Moving forward but still having a lot of hurdles to pass and knowing we should stay calm.  We also had to make the decision of how many embryos to transfer. We did have this discussion with Dr. Samit when we were in Hyderabad, and I must say he was very good at discussing all aspects and various choices we could make in regards to this decision.

William and I discussed it again this Sunday; we took a walk in the first rays of spring, at least it felt that way, considering it has been freezing here for the past two weeks.  We decided that what we discussed with Dr. Samit was still our choice today.

I will definitely keep you posted on the progress this week.

Family thoughts on Monday Morn.

Thank you all for your excellent comments. I really enjoyed the feedback and it is so nice to know that you’re not the only one out there.

I really like http://bollywoodbabydreams.blogspot.com blog by Arya and Paul. They are doing surrogacy in Mumbai and are at the 11 week mark and counting.

JVC, I can’t wait until we all get our phone calls!

Tom, you are so right, it is not a boring time waiting for that phone call, I’m very excited!

I am actually staying calm which is quite amazing for me. However William has become all anxious this weekend.  I think the reason why, was that he just visited his brother who has two children which we both don’t see often enough.

He was so pleased to see him and more importantly interact with his nephew and niece. One of the things he noticed was how much of life the children bring to you.  He was really impressed with the way they engage with you and how it riches your life. I think he saw his brother’s life as this real nice family unit with this wonderful connection that is unique when enriched with children. I think it’s something in a strange way he never really thought of before. “The idea of family and what it means.”

It’s a nice reinforcement of why we are all doing Surrogacy.  Let’s face it; it’s not easy emotionally or financially. But boy is it worth it.

Tick Tock…Starting the Surrogacy time watch

So here I go with the “surrogacy time watch…step one”. Anjani just emailed me to let me know that our donor has started stimulation today and will let me know as soon as the egg retrieval is going to happen. I can’t wait!

 Anyone who has ever gone through IVF, knows what is happening now to their donor. Days full  of injections with stimulating drugs, blood tests, ultrasound scans, and then the “trigger shot”. I am wishing her well and hope she feels okay through the process.

Side note:

Also Surrogacy hits TV… check out Modern Family next episode

Surrogacy in the News

Monday morning…thought I would tool around the internet and see what the paper’s had to say about surrogacy these days.. I thought these were interesting:

·         http://www.deccanchronicle.com/channels/showbiz/hollywood/surrogacy-was-easy-choice-elizabeth-888

A story about choosing surrogacy,…” surrogacy was a “very easy” decision”

·         http://www.deccanchronicle.com/channels/cities/bengaluru/surrogate-pregnancy-no-more-hush-hush-affair-856

I thought this was a great article, it is something I have personally had to deal with…”Couples struggling to have a baby have a number of options to choose from today. No one blinks an eye when they choose one or the other treatment available. But suggest surrogacy and the eyebrows go up.”

·         http://www.smh.com.au/national/concern-over-complex-laws-on-surrogacy-20120208-1reyy.html

For our Australian friends, this article is about Concern over complex laws on

 surrogacy.

·         http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/feb/08/china-surrogate-mothers-year-dragon?newsfeed=true

China's 'eight babies' scandal throws light on underground industry helping parents flout one-child rule

·         http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/05/world/asia/05iht-letter05.html?_r=1&ref=thefemalefactor

Protecting the Rights of Surrogate Mothers in India.

·         http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-16737065

Ex-News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks and her husband have become parents by a surrogate mother.

·         http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/01/22/the-vitrification-fertility-option.html

Diane Sawyer’s secret to resetting the biological clock.

Let me know what you think on these articles, I find them informative and I think I’ll keep updating on new articles that I find.

Delays...29 Jan.-4 Feb.

AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!

We have a delay already!!!

Woke up this morning, feeling groggy, grabbed a coffee, turned on the computer and checked my email and…

Received an email from Anjani, saying the donor’s menses hasn’t started yet, so there’s going to be a slight delay.

Aargh!………………………….

The egg retrieval and embryo transfer is now expected to be between 20^th and 25^th February. Now I have to start the whole countdown again.

Good news…they keep me informed.

Bad news… I have no patience!

Surrogacy Contract Details...Jan. 22-28

I have had a few people ask me about the details of my contract with Kiran Infertility Centre and what it entails. So I thought I would highlight some of details here. The contract is about ten pages long and starts with describing the incident and course of events between William, the surrogate and the clinic. It is then broken down in four sections explaining:

About my clinic...week of Jan. 16-21

I have had a few people asking me about the clinic and Hyderabad. So I thought I would write out my experience with a little more detail.

January News...week of 9-15

Just received emails from Anjani and Dr. Samit. It was really nice to hear from them, especially when they told me that our egg retrieval and embryo transfer is going to happen between the 5-10 of February.

I’m thrilled… I am finally on a countdown before... I need to start counting weeks to see if we become successful with a positive result and.... then a countdown for success of a heartbeat.

I know I am jumping the gun, but I can’t help it! I have always been like this, even when I was doing IVF. I would set myself up and just start counting to my next check.

Fingers and toes crossed!

January 4...back home

January 4… First Week Back Home. Considering William had a few extra days off before heading back to work we decided to catch up with our friends and share our trip adventure with them. It was really nice sharing our experience and it was great to hear how positive and happy they were for us. They already offered babysitting!

I also decided to catch up on the internet. I signed up to Kiran Infertility Center Facebook page. I also joined Fertile Thoughts and Fertility Friends. These two Support and forum groups are great places to meet other intended parents, find information and ask questions.

Also I decided to start this blog that you’re reading now.

Considering everything went positive on our trip to India, I came back with a thirst for more information, I did not want to lose the momentum that was created in India and I also wanted to keep my mind focused. I thought that was better than looking at a calendar every 15 minutes to see when the egg retrieval and embryo transfer is expected.

What do other intended parents do when they return home? I am sure it’s different for everyone. I would really like to know what other intended parents do and think during this time.

January 2 +3...Final Days in Hyderabad

January 2 + 3…Final Days in Hyderabad

Well it’s our last days before we head back to Switzerland.  This means last great India food, a little shopping and getting ready for our 4:15 AM drive to the airport!

Again, Anjani was kind enough to send us a car to finish our tour of Hyderabad. We first headed back to the market in the Old town and picked up a Masala Dabbas which is a spice tray, usually stainless steel with seven removable round containers, lid and a small spoon that fits in the box. I really like these handy trays. When you cook, you open the lid and all of the spices are at your fingertips without you having to rustle around hunting for jars of cumin seeds, cayenne, or cloves, etc. You don’t have to use it only for Indian spices. In fact I got two, one for India spices and one for Asian cooking. I do now wish I got a third for western cooking. It just makes it easy when you need a bunch of spices for a recipe.

We then headed off to Shilpa Ramam to shop the Arts and Crafts village for a few gifts to take back home. It is located near Hi Tech city which is such a contrast to the Old part of town. Shilpa Ramam seems very interesting and I would like to go back and view some of the cultural events that they host.

After a hot and hazy day out we decided to head back to hotel and book a table at the restaurant Kebab E Bahar, for some more black lentils!

We reflected over our week and felt completely different than the day we arrived. I can’t explain fully the transformation that happened to us. I can say we became closer and felt content that we were doing the right thing at the right place. We realized that we had just taken the first step and we were on the road to obtaining our dream of having a family. It felt good and we both went to bed with smiles on our faces that night.

Thank goodness we went to bed early, due to our car picked us up at the hotel at 4:30 A.M. and whisked us to the airport like a mad man. Considering there were hardly any cars on the road, our driver decided to drive like a formula 1 driver. We did arrive at the airport in one piece thankfully and we jumped into the crazy and frantic crowd vying to enter the main terminal.  We checked in, headed to security and went for coffee to wait for our flight to board. 

While we were boarding, we had another security check and unfortunately William lost his ticket for his carry-on bag and was escorted back to the first security check to repeat the whole process again.  He made it back and was able to board on time.  Our first leg to the UK was going to be 11 hours that felt like 30. When are we going to get there!  When we finally landed, we found out that our flight to Geneva was delayed and we also found out a handy tip to figure out how long your flight will be delayed.

Tip: A lovely lady at terminal 5, Heathrow told us if  your flight shows a 1, 7, or 9 in the minutes part of its new time this means that it is not a firm time and could change again. So for example our flight said our new departure time would now be 4:17, which the lovely lady said it meant that it was not confirmed. Sure enough she was right. We did get another posting that said our next new departure time was 5:29, sure enough that was not correct either. It was not until they posted 5:35 did we actually  board our plane back to Geneva. I do not know if this works everywhere but it seems to make sense.

Well that was my week in Hyderabad and now I am back in Switzerland. I still have a lot to say and will update you to the present soon.

January 1, 2012...Sixth Day

Happy new Year Hyderabad!

New Year’s Day in Hyderabad is just as busy and crazy as any other day. Feeling sleepy, lazy and need of a comfort day, we woke up and headed to the Hard Rock Cafe for burgers. It was a beautiful and sunny day and we decided to stroll back to the hotel and relax by the pool.

Pool side chatter....

We chatted about our choice in clinics and how I researched for at least a year before I choose Kiran Infertility Center. William wanted to know how I ended up choosing where to go. Which I think is the 64 million rupee question.

We already tried donor eggs in New York, however without success. I underwent IVF three times with no luck. Complications for me were; I just could not get my baby Padding up, no matter what drugs were given to me, what diet I tried, what acupuncture I underwent or any tips or tricks that I read about. Our doctors suggested that we could try again with me or use a surrogate.

Now as my American friends will know, using a surrogate in America is not the easiest and economical choice for surrogacy. First we would have to go to a parent friendly state, such as California. Next we would have to rob a bank. The cost was too high for us and we were being transferred to Hong Kong to boot. So I had to find an alternative way to achieve our dream of having a family.

While I was in Hong Kong I first checked where would be a good place in Asia. My research led me to Thailand.  My first thoughts were great, wonderful country, fantastic people and a short trip from Hong Kong. Now I know there have been many successful transfers and babies have been born to surrogates in Thailand, however it was not for me. My reason was that they have not been doing surrogacy for too long and I felt that the experience was not there. I understand that I could be completely wrong and I am sure there are parents in the world that did their surrogacy in Thailand with great success; it was just my gut feeling that I decided to look elsewhere.

I also dismissed Russia, Georgia, Cyprus, Ukraine and some country in Africa which I cannot remember at the moment. My reasons were a number of things, anywhere from experience of clinics, safety of the country and costs. I was also losing my mind with all the places in the world that could assist me. Where to go? What to do? It's not like you can check with a consumer magazine to see what's new and cutting edge.

Then I remembered when I was in New York that our doctor suggested India. He would not recommend a clinic in India, however he thought that the experience was there and I should look into the options. So I started researching India, which is no easy feat. There must be thousands of clinics in India and the majorities seem to be clustered in Delhi and Mumbai. Also there were clinics in Hyderabad, Chennai and other cities that I no longer remember. However I decided India is where we would try to make our dream of a family come true.

What did I do?

·         I started researching news stories in the USA, Canada, UK, and India and anywhere else I could find.

·         I started reading every blog I could on the internet that related to surrogacy.

·         I joined a few community groups related to surrogacy and trolled through the discussions.

·         I contacted medical tourism sites and inquired about their services in regards to surrogacy.

·         I started contacting clinics and asked a million questions, the ones I was interested in, I requested information about their policies, procedures, prices and contracts.

·          I contacted a law firm in the UK to engage in Indian Surrogacy Law and our legal status to do surrogacy in India.

·         I asked for referrals and talked to other parents who used various clinics in India.

Then…

I took a deep breath, choose three clinics that I felt were right for us and presented all my data for each clinic to William, my mother and a couple who went through surrogacy in California and had twins. I thought this was a good idea, due to you can get so emotionally involved and presenting my findings to other people who would look at it differently that I would give me another insight.

I don’t know if this was right or wrong and I am sure I could have done more and would really love to hear your feedback on how you made your choice.

After all that reflecting we were starving and headed to Syn, located at the Hotel Taj Deccan.  A mixture of Thai, Vietnamese and Japanese flavours.  Sushi and Thai were the choice for the night!